A week ago on our Weekly Wilderness Webinar we observed a sloth as a way of talking about being laid back and taking life in our stride. Why is the sloth, like us, ponderous? Can our strengths sometimes become weaknesses and trip us up, especially if delaying action leaves us anxiously avoidant. Can our understandings of the adaptive lifestyle of the sloth, help us find motivation when tough times are looming, and we would rather look the other way?
Mandy Young is a Psychologist and Ecopsychologist who believes that observing wild animals with social behaviour, swimming with free, ocean-moving dolphins and walking and talking with tribal people can bring wisdom, connection, and personal and professional inspirations. We don't always have the time and funds to go on a wilderness encounter, so join her on a vicarious online safari during Weekly Wilderness Webinars.
Where does the avoidant way of relating come from?
Avoidance as a character trait can develop in both happy and difficult childhoods. In happy childhoods, one might have been too protected from hardship and seldom had the opportunity to learn resilience by dealing with difficult times and emotions. Alternatively, we may have lived a childhood embedded with high conflict and tension, and became peacemaker to avoid unbearable and overwhelming arguments and negativity in a home full of family tension.
As we reflected on the behaviour of the sloth during our Weekly Wilderness Webinar, we agreed that most people know that sloths move slowly, but did not know that they are deaf, blind, take ages to digest their food, and they only poo once a week?
We had an animated discussion with Liz Odera a tennis professional whose name appears in the Hall of Fame (She is also an amazing organizer and project manager), and Collince Dundo, who has a big heart, is very emotionally intelligent, and is the CEO of a Youth Development Initiative in Kenya. The riveting discussion oscillated from the pros and cons of being an avoider to self-awareness, community development and climate change. Please listen into the recording below so that you don't miss out!
In Summary, these were some of the highlights and inspirations we pocketed:
THE SLOTH HAS LOST ITS ABILITY TO SEE
Is this a characteristic of someone who is being avoidant? When we are avoiding a difficult task or skirting around conflict do we become 'less seeing' and shut off from opportunities that could arise if we found a way of paying attention and becoming fully engaged instead of running away or side-stepping issues?
Does our 'unseeingness' mean we lose the clarity that completing a goal or addressing an argument brings? When we have the courage to face things head on, it is more obvious what the next progressive step can be, and we recognize what worked and what did not.
When we chose to not see and instead 'put our heads in the sand' we limit our vision and we struggle to get a glimpse of past, present or future, or on what is happening 'above ground'. We lose the vantage point and the vision.
IF YOU ARE A SLOTH ARE THERE ADAPTIVE BENEFITS TO GOING SLOWLY ?When a sloth is shuffling along he is well-camouflaged and positioned for protection, he has the time to gain perspective, and he is saving energy by not 'sweating the small stuff' or 'barking up the wrong tree' because he's been too hasty. These are great advantages to moving cautiously, but is going slow the same as being avoidant?
SLOTHS DIGEST THEIR FOOD VERY SLOWLY BECAUSE THEIR DIET IS LOW ENERGY SNACKING ON A FEW LEAVES AT A TIME.
When we are also going slow do we save energy like the sloth, or does procrastination lead to less energy and a decreasing lack of resources and expertise as we do less and less, and receive little feedback from minimal action
THE SLOTHS LACK OF SPEED LEAVES HIM STEALTHILY SABOTAGED
This is a protective strength for the sloth, but for us, becoming invisible like a sloth, a person others do not notice, means we have less influence. We were born to stand out not fade into the shadows. So, we may be wasting our potential and opportunities when we don't put yourselves out there.
DID YOU KNOW THE SLOTH HAS 270 DEGREE VISION
The Avoider, like the sloth notices what is happening around him or her, but choses not to do anything about it. In this modus operandi we tend to live with ongoing vigilance that generates anxiety, in contrast to pressing up against our visionary strength and self belief.
SLOTHS DO EVERYTHING HANGING FROM A TREE
This is protective for them and ensures their survival as they are out of reach, but if we use this as a metaphor for operating half-mast, half-full, half-motionless we will most likely do a half job, and live a half life. Let's take hold of living wholeheartedly instead, which may involve some risk, but it is more indefatigable and exhilarating.
SLOTH HAIR PROVIDES ITS OWN ECOSYSTEM. THEY HAVE FUNGHII IN THEIR FUR.
When we constantly procrastinate how much unfinished business and unresolved conflict remains 'under our skin' our lives becomes weighed down and laborious. We lose our your freedom. Unlike the sloth what you 'carry under your skin' is not going to prevent cancer, it could be the stressful, avoidant, anxious fuel that causes cancer.
SLOTHS RISK THEIR LIFE TO POOP
When the sloth ventures out of its elevated position of safety to get to the ground to poop, they are vulnerable to predators, and lose 30 percent of their body weight. However there is also an advantage to this courageous weekly escapade, they leave a poopy sign post to attract a mate.
So, it is obvious there are strengths as well as weakness to being avoidant. At one time being avoidant was a way of staying safe in a home where there were lots of arguments, or in a household where if you just did one wrong move you could be physically abused.
However, as with the sloths, this procreation opportunity and strength, can also become theirs and our greatest moment of vulnerability. As someone who is avoidant, you may do just enough at work, or in a relationship to stay safe and under the radar, but you are not strengthening or growing, and your are constantly on the look out to avoid potentially challenging or conflictual life issues. This means you could be using your time and energy to go backwards instead of forwards, to be invisible and vulnerable instead of impactfully prominent.
SO HOW DOES ONE BECOME LESS AVOIDANT AND LESS ANXIOUS?
1. Own that this is your modus operandi
2. Engage with a life coach and find out why this way of being in the world, personally and professionally is your prime survival technique.
3. Learn new ways of being in the world through developing different neural pathways and patterns of perceiving and engaging with the world. I can recommend the Positive Intelligence operating system activated on a mobile app to grow self-awareness and mental toughness, and to help you transition out of being avoidant to becoming more actively focused, wholehearted, free from anxiety, and meaningfully fulfilling your greatness.
IF YOU WANT TO MOVE FROM BEING AVOIDANT TO COURAGEOUSLY ADVANCING ACTION TOWARDS A HAPPIER AND MORE PRODUCTIVE LIFE:
I have two offers for you:
I can offer Personal Development coaching and walk alongside you to discover your true essence and mental resilience. I have decades of counselling experience. The investment for this service is GBP 45 per session once a week.
Alternatively, or in addition, I can offer you a place on a 6-week Positive Intelligence course that is operationalised on a mobile app. The course is based on extensive research in the area of depth psychology, neuropsychology and cognitive behavioural understandings. It is foundationed on the New York Times bestseller, Positive Intelligence, by Coach Shirzad.
The course will begin with an assessment of what sabotages your time and effort because of your people pleasing ways. It will highlight how this way of operating in the world affects you, your wellness, and impacts others. Day by day you will learn techniques to build mental toughness, new ways of operating in the world and different neural pathways that will enable you to value your own authenticity, and empower your life to make decisions that support your goals and dreams. The cost of this 6 week course is $995 on their website: www.positiveintelligence.com, but as I am a Coach who has gone through the course myself, I can offer 5 people a place at GBP150 per month for two months. Would you like to be one of the 5. Only 4 places left.
Please contact me if you would like to engage with either opportunity at wildernessencounterafrica@gmail.com
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The Weekly Wilderness Webinar this week is titled:
Are You a bit of a STICKLER?
This is for those who can't bear chaos or being out of control.
This is for you if you always need 'your ducks in a row',
or you know other people in your personal or professional life who make you feel inadequate and tied up because the Stickler always needs their external environment and relationships to be predictable and unchanging.
Our wildlife influencer who will get us to reflect about this dilemma will be the well-known weaver bird.
Email me on wildernessencountersafrica@gmail.com if you would like to be included on future Weekly Wilderness Webinars details on a weekly newsletter.
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