Last Wednesday at 6pm UK on our Weekly Wilderness Webinar we asked the question, "Are you a bit of a Stickler?" or do you know someone who is such a perfectionist you always feel inadequate in their presence?
When answering life's questions, those who have great answers because they know how to survive and thrive are wild animals and tribal people. They still live in a connected way with each other, their communities and the world around them.
The wildlife character who provided us with some answers to the costs and benefits of someone you could describe as - punctual, methodical, opinionated, sarcastic, highly critical of themselves and others, self-restrained and determined to work overtime to make up for others’ sloppiness and laziness - was the male weaver bird building his nest, and seeking the approval of a mate.
What is the original survival function of someone fastidiously hair-splitting?
The Stickler believes that they can quieten the constant voice of others’ judgments by trying to be perfect. They reassure themselves that if they do what is right they will be beyond reproach. Sometimes in early childhood perfection may have brought order and temporary relief when family dynamics were chaotic. The model child believes they can earn acceptance and attention from emotionally distant or demanding parents by not putting a foot wrong.
As we watch the female weaver bird evaluate whether an attractive male is the real deal or not, like the judgemental people in a Stickler's life, he is vulnerable to her disappointment and rejection if the nest he has built is not perfect.
So, listen in closer and hear the whisper of this tirelessly industrious bird as he crafts an impeccable architectural delight for his sweetheart:
THE STRENGTH OF THE STICKLERS
The nest-building endeavours of the weaver bird parades the Sticklers attention to detail, and how good they are at strategizing. The weaver bird, like the Stickler is willing to practise and practise until they perfect their technique. We can admire them for their great persistence because it takes 1000 strips to complete a single nest.
Weaver birds, like human Perfectionists don't easily give up. What they successfully achieve is built on certainty and stability, and the results can be beautiful. The weaver bird becomes a master of his craft
This is the video we watched of the weaver bird to gain these insights:
SOME UNHELPFUL ASPECTS OF THIS WAY OF LIVING LIFE
Just like the male weaver bird waiting for the final judgement from the female he is trying to entice, Perfectionists can't always control the outcomes of their endeavours because:
life is unpredictable
no matter how good you are , there is always someone worse and someone better
too much time on perfectionism can be exhausting, leaving the Stickler constantly irritable and anxious, and other important aspects of life or business are neglected or side-lined.
when you are constantly judging yourself you treat others the same way, and family or team members are left feeling inadequate no matter how hard they try. They may just give up and then the Perfectionist has fulfilled the prophesy that he or she has to do all the work because others do not show up.
EVENTUALLY THE FEMALE DECIDES WHETHER THE MALES NEST BUILDING IS AWESOME OR NOT.
The Perfectionist is constantly putting themselves at the mercy of other people's assessments, they give away their personal and professional power when they allow others to be the judge of their worth. Perfectionism may feel satisfying at first, but the security and contentment does not last for long before the Sticklers internal and external critics 'rear their pressurising heads' again.
SO HOW DOES ONE STRIVE LESS FOR PERFECTION WHEN IT IS EXHAUSTING, IRRITATING AND DISABLING?
1. Own that this is your modus operandi
2. Engage with a life coach and find out why this way of being in the world, personally and professionally is your prime survival technique.
3. Learn new ways of being in the world through developing different neural pathways and patterns of perceiving and engaging with the world through the Positive Intelligence operating system activated on a mobile app. Insights offered on the app enable the participant to grow in self-awareness and mental toughness, so that you are no longer sabotaged in time and energy through obsessive Perfectionism.
Instead you are encouraged through empathy, curiosity and digging deep, to make newly empowered decisions to be less critical of yourself and others, more accepting of a balanced evaluation of what is good enough, and inclusive of others with their diverse contributions.
I would love to journey with you to be less of a Stickler and more peaceful and balanced. The investment for this support is GBP 45 per session once a week.
Alternatively, or in addition, I can offer you a place on a 6-week Positive Intelligence course that is operationalised on a mobile app. The course is based on extensive research in the area of depth psychology, neuropsychology and cognitive behavioural understandings. It is foundationed on the New York Times bestseller, Positive Intelligence, by Coach Shirzad.
The course will begin with an assessment of what sabotages your time and effort because of your Stickler ways. It will highlight how this way of operating in the world affects you, your wellness, and impacts others. Day by day you will learn techniques to build mental toughness, new ways of operating in the world and different neural pathways that will enable you to value your own authenticity, and empower your life to make decisions that support your goals and dreams.
The cost of this 6 week course is $995 on their website: ww.positiveintelligence.com, but as a Coach who has gone through the course myself, I can offer 5 people a place at GBP150 per month for two months. Would you like to be one of the 5. Only 3 places left.
Please contact me if you would like to engage with either opportunity at wildernessencounterafrica@gmail.com
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The Weekly Wilderness Webinar next week is titled:
Why are You so RESTLESS?
This is for those who 'have ants in their pants' and are constantly seeking new sources of excitement, pleasure, and self-nurturing.
If you tend to be a NESTLESS RESTLESS You may often have thoughts like:
"This is no longer fulfilling, I'm getting bored, and need to move on."
These sad feelings suck, let me ignore them, life is too short to mope."
or
"Why can’t anyone keep up with me?"
This week we are going to enjoy the DOLPHIN DREAMTIME MEDITATION to bring settled sanity in those Twitchy Times.
Email me on wildernessencountersafrica@gmail.com if you would like to be included on future Weekly Wilderness Webinars details on a weekly newsletter.
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